Why Four Kids Have Been Easier than One

If I'm being honest, I don't look back on my "early motherhood" days (when I just had one or even two kids) as the most-amazing-days-ever. I remember feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, and inadequate. And believe me, it wasn't like I hadn't had any experience with kids before! I had three younger siblings, and as a teenager, I logged many hours as a babysitter.   

And yet... being a mom was different. These babies were mine, and the responsibility was great. While as a babysitter, I would watch the kids for a few hours and then leave, being a mom was full-time. 

It was hard to find time to do anything BUT watch my children. My bathroom would sometimes sit neglected for weeks, and there was almost always a pile of unfolded laundry on our guest bed. 

The transitions between children were hard, too. My hardest transition was probably from no-kids-to-one, but transitioning to two kids was hard, too. It was a little easier with Matthias (#3), but I remember crying a LOT his first month of life.

A few weeks before Caroline's due date, I started stressing out about adding a fourth. What would my already-full days look like? How do you peacefully add a fourth baby to days that aren't always calm? 

And then, she arrived. Surprisingly, I hardly cried at all. Within the first couple months, I was feeling better and more on-top of my "life" than I had ever before as a mom. I felt completely comfortable taking care of four children, and I had the time to start "officially" homeschooling Rachel and Jemima.

I was shocked to realize that four kids was somehow easier for me than one had been. This of course led me to wonder: why? Shouldn't I be four-times more stressed out and overwhelmed? 

I'm still trying to figure out the difference, but here's what I've come up with so far...

1. I have four years of experience in the mommy-hood world now! I don't need to be nervous changing diapers, considering how many hundreds (thousands?) I've changed. I've tried out many different ideas (I can't tell you how many laundry methods I've tried), and found which ones work best for our family. I've made many mistakes, and [hopefully] learned from them! 

Also, the more I've learned, the more relaxed I am about motherhood. Breaking up fights and nap-times and changing diapers and feeding multiple kids has become less of a "big deal" and more of a every-day-all-day-long occurrence. 

2. Instead of doing all the housework by myself, I have helpers! The older kids are a HUGE help to me. They sort and put away their laundry. They can load and unload the dishwasher, and set the table. They can dress themselves, and the girls are learning how to shower themselves and do their hair! Many of the tasks that I used to help them with, are now their responsibilities. The girls enjoy being independent, and I don't mind delegating! 

3. I don't worry about the kids needing me to entertain them: they entertain each other. Almost everything my kids do, they do together. As for Caroline, the kids could sit and talk to her or "play" with her for hours. They especially love when I leave Caroline in their "charge" while I do housework elsewhere. 

4. This point probably ties in somehow with #1, but I think motherhood has gotten easier for me, the more I embrace that this is my life. Of course I knew along that these children were my responsibility, but once you realize that these kids will take up your time, and that is a healthy thing... that it's "normal" to type and hold a baby at the same time, or breast-feed while reading to the three other kids piled around you... That there is really no other task more important, or more worth your time than investing in these little souls... then I think motherhood somehow becomes easier. You're not always thinking, "Well, I need to take care of the baby so I can do..." because you're used to the fact that your kids will be there at your side (or nearby) all day long, every day for a VERY long time. 

Of course, not everything is easier with four than with one. Such as, grocery shopping--or buckling and unbuckling car seats! But while I feel like with multiple children, there is more noise, more crying, more arguments... there is also more laughter and snuggles and fun times. 

I can say without a doubt that I enjoy being a mom more than I ever have before. But what would I say to the new mom, perhaps who is feeling the way I did when Rachel and Jemima were little? 

I wish I could give you a hug, and say that everything will be okay! Don't be afraid to make mistakes or to ask for help! If you feel like there's so much you need to learn, or you're feeling inadequate, just know... this is normal. I am sure every mom has gone through this. You have many wonderful years ahead of you in which to learn and grow.

Enjoy your family time this weekend!