Life After Miscarriage

For anyone out there who has struggled through a miscarriage, this post is for you. My first miscarriage was early (barely 6 weeks), and afterwards, I seemed to recover quickly, and I felt very peaceful. I focused on the word "hope," and Matt and I agreed that if our next daughter was a girl, her middle name would be Hope.

When I became pregnant so quickly again afterwards, I'd say my whole 10 weeks of pregnancy were characterized by hope. I thought this new baby was sent by God to comfort me, so when I started bleeding, I was shocked. The crying I did that day (my birthday) was the worst crying I've done in my life. I've written about this before, but honestly I felt like they were tears of despair. 

As I continued to bleed, but without clots, I clung to hope for five days... until I started bleeding SO much heavier--blood pouring out of me, and I ran to the bathroom saying to Matt, "It's over, it's over, it's over."

This is one of those memories that will stick with me forever. It was so painful--both emotionally and physically.

The bleeding lasted for almost a month, much longer than the bleeding after my first miscarriage. I would tell myself, "You're strong, you can get through this..." At the same time, praying and crying, "God, why are You doing this?" 

The recovery process began once again. But nothing has been quite the same. This miscarriage took me a weak place I've never experienced before. I'd go for days without crying, and then hear a song on the radio, and cry while driving home. Or I told Matt, "I want a baby," and then I'd cry for forever, because I wanted those babies.

There's also a new fear of pregnancy that I've never felt before. And fear of blood. Blood is such a scary sight when it's associated with a tiny life inside you.

There are several truths I've been holding onto this time around that have been very encouraging, even through the emotional struggle.

God knows what is happening. God is the One who is healing my body. God is the One who will enable me to conceive again. God is One who controls whether our next baby will live or die. 

And best of all... God is my Father, and He loves me. He wants only the best for my life, whether or not I understand what He is doing all the time.

My Second Miscarriage Story

This is not the post I was expecting to be writing today. As many of you know, after four healthy pregnancies, I miscarried for the first time in January. I was barely 6 weeks along, and although it was difficult, and many tears were shed on account of our little baby, it was nothing like the miscarriage I just experienced.

After my first miscarriage, I was pregnant again quickly, with a late October due date. It was one of those "I just know I'm pregnant" feelings, and I cried happy tears when I took the pregnancy test. God had blessed again so soon, and I loved the idea of having a baby in October (possibly my favorite time of year). Caroline (our youngest)'s 2nd birthday is in October, and I thought it was going to be so perfect to have two birthdays in the same month. 

I was 9.5 weeks along on my birthday. My mom had come over to bring me my favorite coffee drink (in celebration), and right as she was about to leave, I needed to use the bathroom. As soon as I did so, I saw red blood. It totally caught me off guard. It was the one thing I wasn't expecting--not now, not after I'd already had a miscarriage. Please, Lord, and not on my birthday!

I started crying, and these were not tears like my last miscarriage. It was a raw emotion that I haven't felt for years. It was fear and despair and so much grief at the unknown. Why again? Why so far along?

As I mentioned my story on Instagram, the stories started pouring in. Stories of bleeding during pregnancy, and the babies being fine! Miracle babies--when the moms were sure this baby had died, the doctor continued to hear a heartbeat.

For the next few days, I continued to bleed, but as worrying as it was, I continued to hope that my story would be added to these hosts of others. That the bleeding would stop, and we'd be hearing a heartbeat before we knew it.

I'd been on partial bed rest, trying to sit and rest as much as possible, and I was really feeling pretty well. Sunday morning, I stayed home from church, and that's when the cramping began. The physical pain was on a completely different level than my last miscarriage. I'm not typically a "I'm in pain" sort of person (I prefer to suck it up and keep on going), but this was real pain, like I'd experience in labor. On Sunday night, the bleeding picked up much heavier, and I began losing clots.

Even so, I still was saying to Matt, "I think our baby's going to be ok."

But as soon as I woke up this morning, I felt differently. I was just losing so much blood, and so quickly. I think the miscarriage officially began last night, and it ended this morning. 

I'm certain it will take a while for my body and heart to heal this time around. The process has only just begun.

But for now, I wanted to offer some words of advice on how to respond when someone you know miscarries. Before I miscarried, I had no idea how to respond. I didn't know what miscarriage was like, and I wasn't sure what to say. But now that I've gone through it, and heard a variety of responses to my miscarriages, I know that there is really only one appropriate response.

And that is... I'm sorry. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. I'm praying for you. Is there any way we can help?

That is all. It's not the time to suggest to the grieving mother that she could've prevented this miscarriage if she wouldn't have had her pregnancies so close together. In fact, any "this is possibly your fault" comments shouldn't even enter the conversation. The mother is already going to be dealing with many of those doubts and fears without anyone critically voicing them. 

No matter how many children a mother has already, she was counting on THIS baby. This next little sibling. Perhaps she was already rolling around baby names in her mind. So yes, of course she values the children she already has, but that doesn't de-value the baby she lost in any way. And losing a baby isn't a sign that she shouldn't have more children. I remember hearing people say this about another mother with multiple children, and it was incredibly insensitive. 

Miscarriage is very painful--both physically and emotionally. A mother finds herself in a place she's never been before, vulnerable and weak and full of emotions she's never before faced. This is the time for friends to show Christ's compassion, and love, and kindness, and to grieve with her for the baby she wanted so much to meet. 

I Wrote a Book!

Yes, from the girl who hardly ever reads... I decided to write a book.

After becoming active on Instagram, and posting daily about motherhood, I started receiving questions all the time--everything from "When do you take a shower?" to "Could you please describe your morning routine?" Eventually I didn't have the time to answer them all individually, so I concluded the best course of action would be to answer all those questions in book form! 

In the early mornings, and during the kids' nap time, I typed out my answers and created a small book entitled Clean House with Kids. It's very short and readable--perfect for busy moms with little kids! And it's full of practical tips for living life and keeping house with small children.

There's a chapter on time management, and one on how to establish a good routine. I also talk about staying in control of the dishes and laundry, and share tips for creating a stress-free home environment!

After working on it for almost 2 months, Clean House with Kids is ready to order! I hope it's an inspiration and encouragement to you!

How Do You Do It All?

Since becoming more active on Instagram, and sharing pictures from our life--both as a mommy with four kids, and as a DIY-er (fixing up and decorating our home!), I've been asked this question over and over: how do you do it all? How are you keeping up with everything?

My first response would obviously be: I'm NOT doing it all. There's no such thing as a "super mom," and there are MANY things (many good things!) I'm not focusing on at this stage of my life. 

Secondly, we struggle with all the same sort of things that any other family with little kids would struggle with! We might do things a little differently, and we have multiple little kids (I'm pregnant with #5, and our oldest is 5!), but we still deal with crumbs on the floor, and temper tantrums, and toilet paper unrolled all over the bathroom floor. And little kids playing in the toilet. 

I should probably add ONE more thing: the things we do now, work for us at this stage in our life. When I'm breast-feeding, or throwing up in the midst of a difficult first trimester, or when the kids are sick, or when Matt worked afternoon shift, we obviously had to switch around the things we did. So what I'm going to say below has worked really well for us, right now, and it may just work for you, too. But it also may not! Here are some suggestions, some ideas--and I hope they're helpful.

1. Form good habits--both for Mom, AND kids.

This is so huge for us, that I wanted to break it into two categories. First, for me as the mother. Good habits would include waking up every morning between 4 and 5 (please don't stop reading now! this is what I DO, and you don't need to do it, remember?), and showering before the kids wake up. Along with putting on makeup in the mornings, I have done these things every single day since Rachel (my oldest) was a baby. I get up- I get a shower- I get dressed- I put on makeup. It's a routine I've established, that makes me feel ready for every single day. 

Other good habits would include starting the laundry right after breakfast, or starting school as soon as I start the laundry. Habits can be very difficult to form, but I've found that once they're in place, you just get used to doing the same things every day, and it's no longer hard.

Ok, now habits for the kids: every morning, the kids wake up between 6 and 7, but they need to stay in their rooms until 7 (this doesn't happen every morning, but it's a general rule). They'll often turn on their lamp and look at books. At 6:45 (or around there), the girls get dressed and make their bed. Then it's time to come out and sit at the table for breakfast. 

After breakfast, Rachel sweeps the kitchen floor, Jemima brings the laundry baskets to the top of the stairs, and Matthias dumps the bathroom trash can into the big kitchen one. They have each had these quick chores for a while now, and it's just part of what they do every morning. Breakfast over- do your chore (and it takes them only a couple minutes each!).

Now for the "keeping the house clean" habits. We really have one rule for this, and that is: before you leave a room, clean it up. That's it. Does it happen perfectly every time? Of course not, but it's what we're aiming for.

Same goes for the girls making their bed every morning. Does their bed look perfect? No, but one of my favorite "mom" sayings is: It doesn't have to be perfect, but you have to do your best. 

2. Keep it simple. 

As moms, in this crazy and busy world we live in, I think we have the tendency to say "yes" to way too much, and take on way more than we need to. I've found that excess (whether it be too many activities or too many toys), leads to chaos--especially when you're dealing with a household full of littles!

Here are three things we keep simple in this house...

Toys for the kids. I've talked about this before, but we have one basketful of blocks for our kids, and that's it when it comes to toys. They also have a basket full of puzzles, and a shelf for their coloring materials (stickers, markers, coloring books, etc.). I've never found that the kids are happier, when there is MORE for them to choose from, and more for them to play with. 

Shopping trips, or leaving the house. Besides church (and socializing with family and friends) on Sunday, we generally leave the house twice a week--for grocery shopping, and to go thrifting. I'm not involved in mom groups, or tons of "extra" activities. 

Meals. I'm not "huge" into cooking, even though we try to eat healthy food. I usually plan ahead what we're going to eat for each meal, and then prepare for that in the morning--whether that means putting some meat in the crockpot before breakfast, or starting lunch at a certain time so I make sure it's ready. 

3. Stay consistent. For us, that means the same nap time and bed times every day. I feel like this is a similar idea to the "good habits" one I mentioned above--we all get used to a certain routine, if we stick with it for long enough. Since my first was a baby, she slept for two hours every afternoon. Whenever another baby came along, they were added to that same sleep schedule, so now we have 4 kids doing either "quiet play" (for the two older ones, who don't nap anymore), or "nap time" every day, at the same time, for two hours. 

For Rachel and Jemima, they have several activities in their room that are ONLY for "quiet play" time, so they LOVE this time in the afternoon. They also love the chance to play uninterrupted from their younger siblings! 

(I should mention that these two hours are so amazing for me as the mom, to either rest and re-focus, or work on a painting project, paying the bills, and so on!).

At night, all the kids are in bed by 7:30. (We happen to get up early, which is why they go to sleep early!)

We generally do the same things every day, in the same order. Breakfast, then chores, then start laundry, then I read to the kids (Bible, science, and history), then Caroline takes a morning nap while I start school with the older kids. And it goes from there. 

Another area we try to stay consistent would be having the kids obey us, every time. One of the things we're working on is the kids sitting still while watching a movie or reading books together... and teaching our kids is way more important than the book or movie. It's hard to be consistent here, because obviously our tendency would be just keep pushing through, give the child what they want so they'll just BE QUIET so we can HEAR the MOVIE, but obviously that's not best for the child or the situation!

So this is what has been hugely helpful to us recently, and I hope it may be encouraging to some of you! 

Why We Got Rid of [Almost All] Our Kids' Toys [and why we don't regret it]

One of the questions I hear from moms most often is, "Where do I put all this STUFF?"

Sometimes they're referring to kids' clothing, or the supplies needed when you have a baby or multiple little ones, but many times... they're referring to TOYS. Books. Puzzles. Dolls. Stuffed animals. Dress-up clothes. Trucks. Cars. Blocks.

 

 

Ok, I won't keep going. Add on to that any amount of art supplies that little kids have, and it's easy to see how moms could be so overwhelmed and frustrated!

It's easy to see that, because... I was totally there.

Now, we never had a LOT of toys, but we had enough so that messes were made easily, and I needed multiple storage containers to organize what the kids had.

When we last moved, we downsized how many toys our kids owned, and I even packed half the toys away in a storage closet to help with the scattered-messes-everywhere situation.

And yet still... This is what we were dealing with on a daily basis:

1. The kids would pull out the toy containers and dump them.

2. The toys would get kicked all over the room.

3. The kids wouldn't spend much time actually PLAYING with the TOYS.

4. If one child was playing with a toy, instead of the other children playing with ALL the OTHER toys on the floor, they would end up only fighting (and wanting to play with) that one toy (whichever one it was).

5. It would be time to clean UP the toys, and it would take a very, very long time. Every time.

It was a constant struggle to keep the toys cleaned up. What made it worse is that the kids hadn't especially enjoyed playing with them to begin with! And the fighting. Ohhh, there was a lot of fighting.

Neither Matt nor I was happy about the situation at all. Matt kept suggesting that we get rid of all the toys--or that each child could only have one. I hesitated, thinking, What would our kids play with then?

And then one morning, it happened. We'd asked the kids (like we did all the time, multiple times every day) to clean up their toys, and they hadn't, and the toys were just sitting there, un-played with, but very messy and scattered and frustrating.

I got a trash bag, and we just started filling it. All the toys that were worth selling, we set aside to sell.

You know what was the most shocking part of that moment? How happy the kids were with getting rid of their stuff. Instead of being upset, they were like, "Okay! This is cool! I'll help throw away my toys!!"

We chose to keep two sets of toys--one set of plastic blocks, and my son kept his wooden toolbox (with a few tools inside).

The next few weeks, we could not believe the change in our childrens' behavior.

There was less fighting, because there was less to fight over. There was WAY more drawing, which had hardly ever happened before. I suddenly found the kids sitting at the table with crayons and colored pencils and paper and happily drawing--for very long periods of time!

Which brings me to... they were more content to sit and play the same thing, over and over, than they'd ever been, surrounded by countless plastic and stuffed toys. Their attention spans were longer!

And lastly, they actually became very creative. That set of plastic blocks (which cost me all of $3) has turned into a castle, weaponry, phones, bridges, writing utensils, cups, roads, even a pinata.

As I'm sure you're wondering how long it takes them to clean up all their "toys" now, it's something like 2 minutes and 50 seconds, even if they're not hurrying. Except for the wooden toolbox, which is a little bigger, all their toys can fit in ONE square basket from Target.

If they want to play in their room, they take their basket to their room. It's also been seen in the living room and downstairs. But whenever they're done playing, everything goes back in the basket. And... done.

It's such a relief--all of it--that I can't ever imagine going back. But I know that as our kids grow older, they'll enjoy more games, or puzzles, and I'm sure we'll accumulate a bit more, but for now, this is perfect for us.

Now a couple additional thoughts...

Getting rid of toys (no matter how many issues they may cause) does NOT eliminate bad behavior. Believe me, the bad behavior is still there as long as there are people present! While the fights definitely lessened between the children, they still fight over other things. It's honestly kind of amazing how one child holding something can increase its desirability by an exponential amount!

Secondly, I'm not recommending this sort of action for everyone. As I mentioned at the beginning, I hear moms all the time lamenting their messy family rooms, and asking for help. This is what we did, and I'm so very glad we did, but I'm sure there are other good ways to solve the problems these moms are facing.

Basic Rules of Etiquette for Kids [in someone else's home]

I'm finding that as a mom, I have a general idea of what I should be teaching my kids (such as "please" and "thank you"), but there are some areas that I can easily forget about. For example, I may have thought of teaching our kids to be good hosts, but I hadn't put a lot of thought into our children being good guests. The sort of guest that people would want to invite over, and definitely the kind of guest that people wouldn't dread having back.

Although these rules of etiquette are pretty basic, I thought it would be a great reminder (for myself, first of all) of something else we can be working on with our children. 

I promise I won't make the list too long. The best way to work on these things is [definitely] going to be at home, because honestly, most of these are probably characteristics you want your kids to have at home.

Hopefully then if your child is in the habit of practicing these "rules" at home, then he/she will naturally adjust these principles in a host's home. 

When your child walks up to the host's home, ring the door bell (or knock) once or twice if necessary, but not repeatedly. (ding DONG ding DONG ding DONG...)

Say hello to the host. Look at their face (instead of down at their feet), and speak clearly.

Take off their shoes, unless they're told they don't need to.

Don't be overly loud or silly. Don't run inside.

If you've been playing outside, and you're coming inside, wash your hands.

Do not open the refrigerator, touch the host's phone, or get on the computer, unless you're given permission.

Ask where the bathroom is (instead of wandering around the house), close the door, flush when you're finished, and wash your hands.

If a door is closed, knock before entering. Never enter a bedroom unless you're invited inside. If you need to use the bathroom, and the door is closed, either knock or wait quietly outside.

If you create an accidental mess (let's say they drop something, and it shatters all over the floor), they need to run and tell either their parents or the host. Accept the responsibility for what happened, and ask what they can do to help clean it up.

If you need to ask the host something, and she (or he) is involved in a conversation, stand quietly until there's a break in the conversation, and then say "Excuse me."

If the parents aren't going to be present, then tell your child that the host is in charge. Within reason, they'll be making the rules, and your child should be expected to follow them (such as at a sleepover, if the parents say "lights out and stop talking," your child should do so.

If you're offered something you wouldn't like, say "No, thank you," instead of "I don't want that" or "I don't like that." Same would apply to if someone asks if you'd like to do something that you wouldn't prefer to.

After playing with toys or a game, clean it up. To the best of your ability, put all the pieces back exactly how you found them.

At the dinner table, do not dominate the conversation. If you need something, ask politely, but otherwise, sit quietly and eat your food. Stay seated at the table unless you've asked to be excused.

Don't touch anything (especially decor, books, furniture, movies, etc.) unless you've been given specific permission to.

If you are doing something, and the host asks you to stop, don't talk back. You're in their home; be respectful of their rules.

Don't climb on the couches, or jump off the coffee tables. Don't slam the doors.

And lastly, say thank you. Say thank you for the food, for being invited over, for all the time and effort the host may have put into your time in his/her home. 

I hope that list didn't overwhelm you. I certainly didn't mean it to! Generally, I think most of principles are deep-down about respect... respecting both others' privacy, and their property/possessions. 

This topic has definitely been something I've been thinking a lot about, and I was excited to share it with you! I'm sure there are more "basic rules of etiquette" that I missed... let me know if you think of some!

Guest Post for The Gender Experts Blog!

I know, I already published a post today, but I wanted to share this as well...

Recently I was contacted by The Gender Experts, asking if I might write a guest post for their blog. Although many of their blog posts deal with gender prediction and pregnancy, they graciously allowed me to write about motherhood in general... and specifically, how I feel like four kids has been easier for me than one was!

Yes, I've written about this before, but I chose this topic to revisit, because I love encouraging young moms! And though I'm still very new at mommy-ing myself, hopefully I can pass along what I've learned so far along the way. :)

Here's what I shared over at The Gender Experts Blog:



Looking back, I don't remember anything "easy" about being a first-time mom. Everything seemed to overwhelm me--the overfull diapers, the puddles of spit-up, and especially my daily chores, which never seemed to get done.

Then when Rachel was only 3.5 months old, I conceived our second daughter. Our son came fairly soon after that, followed by another daughter. And before we knew it, we had four kids, four and under.
The transitions between kids weren't easy at first. I'd guess my hardest adjustment was probably going from 1 to 2 kids (especially because they were so close together!), and I remember crying a lot the first month after Matthias (#3) was born.

So understandably, you can see why I was a little nervous about adding a fourth baby to our already busy family! My days as a stay-at-home mom were full, just caring with three small children. How could I add a fourth child, without surrendering our house to complete chaos?

But much to my surprise (and relief), we welcomed our fourth baby with [relative] peace and calm! The tears were few, and within the first couple months, I was feeling better and more on top of my "life" than I ever had before as a mom. I felt completely comfortable taking care of four children, and I even had the time to start "officially" homeschooling my two oldest.

Happy as I was, I was also a bit shocked to realize that four kids was somehow easier for me than one had been. This of course led me to wonder: why? Shouldn't I be four-times more stressed-out and overwhelmed?

Now Caroline (our youngest) is nearing a year old, and although we have plenty of bad days, and moments where I feel like I'm drowning, I'm still convinced that this time around, life has been easier for me than it ever was before.

I'm sure you're as curious to hear the why, as I was to try to figure it out for myself! We are still growing and learning (always the goal, right?), but here's what I've come up with so far...

1. I have five years of experience in the mommy-hood world now! I don't need to be nervous about changing diapers, considering how many hundreds (thousands?) I've changed. I've tried out many different ideas (I can't tell you how many laundry methods I've tried), and found which ones work best for our family. I've made many mistakes, and hopefully learned from them!

Also, the more I've learned, the more relaxed I am about certain areas of motherhood. Breaking up fights and nap-times and changing diapers and feeding multiple kids has become less of a "big deal" and more of a every-day-all-day-long occurrence. 2. We teach our kids obedience, and strive to be consistent with this. I just mentioned above about being "relaxed" when it comes to motherhood. Having the kids obey me, though, is something I've definitely become more insistent on. Whether the kids are standing in a parking lot, or riding their bikes in our driveway (which is next to the street), they know that they need to listen to my voice and obey the first time I ask them to do something. The best way I've taught them this is with an obedience "game" where the kids are in a different part of the house, I call their names, and they yell, "Yes, Mom!!" and come running to me. If your kids know that you expect them to listen and obey, it will make your life as a mom THAT much easier.

3. The older kids are learning to help around the house! They sort and put away their own laundry, make their bed, they can load and unload the dishwasher (we use plastic dishes!), and (possibly the kids' favorite) they can operate a hand vacuum! Obviously, the floor isn't going to look as crumb-free as if I had vacuumed, and their quilt is almost always crooked on their bed, but I'm still thrilled with their efforts! And it gives them a sense of accomplishment, too. "Look what I was able to do!"

4. I don't worry about the kids needing me to entertain them: they entertain each other. Almost everything my kids do, they do together. They build blanket tents, and block castles, and they chop papers to shreds. Now that Caroline can crawl and play, too, there will often be moments that all four of them are playing together, and I'm able to work on whatever's most pressing at the time.

5. Lastly, I think motherhood has gotten easier for me, the more I embrace that this is my life. I've gotten used to the idea that it's "normal" to type and hold a baby at the same time, or breast-feed while reading to the other kids piled around me. I think once a mother realizes that there's no other task more important in her life, or more worth her time, than investing in these little people... then I think motherhood somehow becomes easier. Of course, not everything is easier with four than with one. Such as, grocery shopping--or buckling and unbuckling car seats! But while I feel like with multiple children, there is more noise, more crying, more arguments... there is also more laughter and snuggles and fun times.

I can say without a doubt that I enjoy being a mom more than I ever have before. But what would I say to the new mom, perhaps who is feeling the way I did when my first was a baby?

I wish I could give you a hug, and say that everything will be okay! Don't be afraid to make mistakes or to ask for help! If you feel like there's so much you need to learn, or you're feeling inadequate, just know... this is normal. I am sure every mom has gone through this. You have many wonderful years ahead of you as a mother! And I certainly hope for you, the same that has been true for me... that the road of motherhood will gradually get easier.

I hope you enjoyed this post! And while you're sitting at the computer (or reading on your phone :)), go check out The Gender Experts, especially if you're expecting a baby... and you're curious as to the gender! Using an ultrasound scan, they're able to predict your baby's gender as early as 6 weeks old!

Well, that's all from me for today. Have a great weekend!

I'm Furthering My Education

Back in the days when I'd recently graduated highschool, when I would tell people that I was not attending college, I think most of them assumed that my education was over. Sometimes I'd go on to explain that I was still learning... just not in an actual school building.

As a matter of fact, I hurried through my final highschool courses because my post-graduation goal (at the time) was to read and write for hours a day. Feminism in the United States intrigued me, and I remember standing in front of the "feminism" section of our local library, staring at the hundreds of books with that subject, and thinking, "I want to read every. single. one."

And I gave it my best attempt, too.

So no, even though I wasn't enrolled anywhere, I kept researching and writing and learning. 

Because I don't think, no matter what my age or what I'm doing in life, there's ever going to be a time when I'll want my education to be over.

Sure, when Rachel and Jemima were super little, and I was pregnant with Matthias, I was probably doing more "surviving" than "learning" every single day, but there are stages for everything, and I'm definitely entering a stage where I feel like I'm "furthering my education" more than I have for years.

There are two main reasons why this is so. The first one is probably obvious, and that is... I'm homeschooling two-going-on-three kids.

I discovered that once you start teaching your children, you realize how much you've forgotten or... how much you never knew! As soon as I started reading to the kids about figures in history, I found myself continually going, "That happened THEN? Before THAT war? She did WHAT?!"

And THEN, we discovered the documentaries on Netflix and Youtube. Often in the afternoons (when most of our "work" is done for the day), we'll sit and watch shows (or short videos) about a National Park, or animals, volcanoes, the Holocaust, ships and why they sink, the "Men Who Built America" (Vanderbilt, Rockefeller, Carnegie, etc.), the US Presidents, the Easter Island statues, and so on.  

The exciting part is that we are learning together--Mom and Kids. 

Ok, and the second reason why I've been researching and "educating myself" is... I'm a homemaker who happens to be making decisions all day long. If I want our house to run smoothly and efficiently, I'm going to need to do some research! Three easy examples here would be food, clothing, and our house. 

Planning meals, shopping for groceries, and preparing healthy and yummy foods, three times a day, for 6 people, 7 days a week, is a fairly big responsibility all by itself.

And honestly, I don't love cooking. I'm constantly searching for inspiration and trying new ideas and methods (whether it be freezer cooking, gluten-free every now and then, or whatever).  

Onto clothing. We had a couple chilly mornings and evenings last week, and I realized that I was responsible for the fall and winter wardrobes for four children. When I'm looking for clothing for the kids, I'm considering how warm it will be, if it's good quality, how stylish it is, and... how I can achieve all of that for the best prices. 

I'm not done yet, but I've already spent hours researching the best brands and looking into capsule wardrobes for the kids. I want simple, inexpensive, and yet stylish for the kids, and this takes time!  

And lastly, our house. So we bought a fixer-upper, which means that almost every room has needed some sort of renovation project. Matt's the one who does most of the heavy work, but he also has a full-time day job, which means... it's often up to me to figure out what we'll do with each room. I read tutorials and reviews and stare at before-and-after pictures and watch the Property Brothers. Since it's in the back of our mind that one day we'll sell this house (once we're done renovating it), I got very excited about home staging (for whenever the time comes), and I've watched as many videos on Youtube as I could find on how to stage your home before selling it.

I love this sort of education, because it's very pertinent to what I'm doing now in my life. I'm teaching my children science and history... and learning alongside them. I'm discovering ways to bless my household (and all who live in it), based on our needs now and what my interests are. 

What I described here is obviously going to look different for every mom out there, but I'd encourage you--even you moms of little ones!--keep reading and discovering and learning. Your education is a life-long event!

Life Lately

I haven't typed here for so long, that I'm having trouble even remembering what font I normally use.

But "usual" font or no, it was high-time for an update on the blog. 

A New Job

Our biggest news is this: after 5 years of Matt working [mostly] afternoon shift at the FBI, he has become a Property Manager here in town. What does this practically mean for him?

No more 50 minute-long commutes.
No more getting home at 2 AM.
A new job, with [of course] new challenges and opportunities!

You can imagine this has been a big transition for Matt, but it's obviously effected our whole [small] family. The biggest adjustment so far has been Matt's new schedule--leaving in the mornings (as opposed to sleeping in), coming home for lunch (I know, right?!), and then having him home in the evenings. I haven't enjoyed Matt's company (and help!) consistently in the evenings since having children. It wasn't easy in the evenings, but I had gotten used to the whole dinner/bedtime routine/several hours alone by myself before MY bedtime.

So this is very different.

I'd say our biggest struggle so far (if you could call it that) is what to do in the evenings. By the time we've put the kids to bed, we are both tired, and yet we want to use our next couple hours wisely (i.e., not watching Netflix). Because of Matt's new job requirements, we started reading How To Win Friends and Influence People, and we're really enjoying it so far. The author is so knowledgeable about both people and history, I felt 100% smarter after only reading one chapter!

House Projects

On hold for the moment. Sunday afternoon, we wrote up a list of all the specific remodeling "needs" our house has, and eventually we need to keep working through that list. Unfortunately, almost all of those remodeling projects requires $$ (example: remodel bathroom. Remodel kitchen. Replace garage door. Etc.)

There were some bushes that needed torn out, and Saturday afternoon (with the help of Kiddos 1, 2, and 3) we started cutting them down and bagging them up. Although it was ridiculously hot out, chopping up bushes still felt relaxing to me. I love working when I can see instant results--not something that often happens when you're a mom. 

[snack on the front lawn]

Homeschooling

This is something I'm very excited about. Not every single day, but in general, I'm pumped about teaching my kids. Rachel just turned 5, and she's already doing school work in two different grades. I remember this well from when I was homeschooled, and I'd stare at people confused when they asked what grade I was in. "I'm in sixth grade math, fifth grade science, seventh grade English..." 

I'm loving ABeka from what I've done with it so far. To supplement, we practice flashcards every day (numbers and letters for Jemima, addition for Rachel, US Presidents for both girls), and I just created a YouTube playlist of educational songs for them to listen through while they're coloring! (Speaking of flashcards--which I'm in love with--I found the US Presidents cards in the $1 section at Target! I've heard there are also Famous Landmarks and Space flashcards, which I'm going to be looking into buying ASAP. I guess I'm just a flashcards fan.)

[school time]

Since I wasn't able to find a history and geography textbook that I liked for the girls' age levels, I decided on simply finding and reading library books that dealt with countries or people throughout history. We've read about Helen Keller, Christopher Columbus, Joan of Arc, Daniel Boone, and Anne Frank. It's embarrassing how much basic history I'd forgotten already! I'm learning along with the girls.

[Matthias and Caroline hanging out while I work with the girls]

There's an update for now. Oh yeah, and last week, we took advantage of Chik-Fil-A's Cow Appreciation Day, and received something like $35 worth of free food! Woo-hoo!

My "Baby Essentials" List (what I use, what I don't use, and why)

Recently I've enjoyed reading through some baby "essentials" lists that are being circulated online. As I'm perusing the lists that begin, "Every mom must have..." sometimes I find myself nodding enthusiastically, and at other items, I'm staring at the screen, wondering what that contraption even IS! 

So just for fun, I thought I'd write up a list of the baby items that I've used this time around (and honestly, must have), and then I'll write a second list of the baby items I haven't used with Caroline (and what I use instead!).

My "Baby Essentials" List:

1. Diapers and wipes

I've used cloth diapers (Flip) and disposables (currently I'm loving Up & Up for Caroline, and Parents' Choice for Matthias). I buy wipes at Walmart, too.

2. Clothing.

My favorite outfit on 0-3 month babies would be a onesie + zip-up sleeper overtop (or just the sleeper, if your baby's a summer baby!). It's so easy--especially for the frequent diaper changes, many of which are during the night! I wanted Caroline to be a *little* dressed up whenever she went to church, though, so I found a bright pink tutu/skirt that she wore over her pink sleepers to church. This is definitely a change since Rachel and Jemima were newborns, though--they wore cute outfits and dresses all the time. I guess once you're on Baby #4, you realize that your little one will be wearing "clothes" soon enough!

3. Car seat.

Of course. If you're planning on taking them anywhere, this is a must-have.

4. Crib.

Babies could technically sleep on the floor, or in a drawer, or pretty much anywhere... but our babies have always slept in a crib.

5. Burp cloths

I always have one of these handy whenever I'm feeding Caroline. They can double as a nursing cover, too (more on that down below)!

6. Baby carrier.

We don't currently own a stroller, so we've made excellent use of our Baby Bjorn baby carrier! Whether you're shopping or taking the kids to the park, it's so nice to have your hands free.

7. Diaper bag.

Everyone has different "diaper bag essentials." Here's what I keep in mind: light-weight large burp cloth (for nursing), second burp cloth (for when the baby spits up), diapers, wipes, a change of clothes for the baby. Not a lot of stuff, which means it's easy to haul around!

8. Pack 'n Play

While not a necessity, our pack 'n play has been profoundly helpful. We've used it as a nice transition item from the crib to a bed, as well as carrying it with us whenever we travel.

I could go on, but those stand out as the biggest "essentials" that we've used...

Now for the "Baby Essentials" We Do NOT own:

1. Stroller.

I've heard amazing reports from moms who use strollers, so I guess I've just never found a stroller that I found extremely helpful. If we're shopping, Caroline rides in the baby carrier (or she'll sit up in the front of the cart), and the rest of the kids will walk or ride. I try to avoid taking all the kids shopping, though. I'll wait for a time when Matt can watch a couple kids, and I'll take one or two with me. The shopping trip goes by so much faster that way!

When we're in a setting where there aren't carts, Caroline is carried, and the rest of the kids walk beside us.

2. High chair.

Nope, we don't own one. We used to own a chair that clipped onto the dining table, but it didn't fit our specific needs. Caroline's still exclusively breast-feeding, and I'm not sure when we'll be transitioning her to table food. We have a booster seat that we might use, if she's sturdy enough in sit up in that. Aaaand... we might just break down and buy a high chair. Definitely possible!

3. Nursing cover.

I use a large, light-weight burp cloth. When I'm in a public setting, I normally find a private room to breast-feed in anyway, so then modesty isn't so much of a concern.

4. Changing table.

We've changed a LOT of diapers, but we've never had one of these! We normally change the kids' diapers on the floor, or on a bed.

5. Baby bath-tub.

Again, I've heard glowing reviews of baby bath-tubs, so I'm not saying I wouldn't love it if I owned one! When our babies are small, I wash them in the bathroom sink. When they're old enough to (mostly) sit up by themselves, they "graduate" to the kitchen sink. And when they're standing by themselves, we shower them (we don't have a bath tub, sadly).

6. Baby monitor.

There's always one of us close enough to Caroline's room that we could hear what she's doing. Even Matthias is quick to tell me when "Cayayine" has woken up or is crying. 

7. Nursing/feeding pillow.

As with several other of these items (stroller, nursing cover, baby monitor), I've had one, didn't feel like it was helpful, and passed it along to someone else. 

8. Musical toys/rattle/stuffed animals.

And here I present to you the joys to being the fourth-born in a family. Caroline doesn't have toys specific to her. She plays with whatever the other kids are playing with, whether it's a car, blocks, or an egg separator. The older three keep her very entertained!

While I doubt I'll ever take any items off my "baby essentials" list (I think those items are pretty basic!), there's a good chance I might being using one or two of these non-essential items somewhere down the line. I'll keep you updated!

Why Four Kids Have Been Easier than One

If I'm being honest, I don't look back on my "early motherhood" days (when I just had one or even two kids) as the most-amazing-days-ever. I remember feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, and inadequate. And believe me, it wasn't like I hadn't had any experience with kids before! I had three younger siblings, and as a teenager, I logged many hours as a babysitter.   

And yet... being a mom was different. These babies were mine, and the responsibility was great. While as a babysitter, I would watch the kids for a few hours and then leave, being a mom was full-time. 

It was hard to find time to do anything BUT watch my children. My bathroom would sometimes sit neglected for weeks, and there was almost always a pile of unfolded laundry on our guest bed. 

The transitions between children were hard, too. My hardest transition was probably from no-kids-to-one, but transitioning to two kids was hard, too. It was a little easier with Matthias (#3), but I remember crying a LOT his first month of life.

A few weeks before Caroline's due date, I started stressing out about adding a fourth. What would my already-full days look like? How do you peacefully add a fourth baby to days that aren't always calm? 

And then, she arrived. Surprisingly, I hardly cried at all. Within the first couple months, I was feeling better and more on-top of my "life" than I had ever before as a mom. I felt completely comfortable taking care of four children, and I had the time to start "officially" homeschooling Rachel and Jemima.

I was shocked to realize that four kids was somehow easier for me than one had been. This of course led me to wonder: why? Shouldn't I be four-times more stressed out and overwhelmed? 

I'm still trying to figure out the difference, but here's what I've come up with so far...

1. I have four years of experience in the mommy-hood world now! I don't need to be nervous changing diapers, considering how many hundreds (thousands?) I've changed. I've tried out many different ideas (I can't tell you how many laundry methods I've tried), and found which ones work best for our family. I've made many mistakes, and [hopefully] learned from them! 

Also, the more I've learned, the more relaxed I am about motherhood. Breaking up fights and nap-times and changing diapers and feeding multiple kids has become less of a "big deal" and more of a every-day-all-day-long occurrence. 

2. Instead of doing all the housework by myself, I have helpers! The older kids are a HUGE help to me. They sort and put away their laundry. They can load and unload the dishwasher, and set the table. They can dress themselves, and the girls are learning how to shower themselves and do their hair! Many of the tasks that I used to help them with, are now their responsibilities. The girls enjoy being independent, and I don't mind delegating! 

3. I don't worry about the kids needing me to entertain them: they entertain each other. Almost everything my kids do, they do together. As for Caroline, the kids could sit and talk to her or "play" with her for hours. They especially love when I leave Caroline in their "charge" while I do housework elsewhere. 

4. This point probably ties in somehow with #1, but I think motherhood has gotten easier for me, the more I embrace that this is my life. Of course I knew along that these children were my responsibility, but once you realize that these kids will take up your time, and that is a healthy thing... that it's "normal" to type and hold a baby at the same time, or breast-feed while reading to the three other kids piled around you... That there is really no other task more important, or more worth your time than investing in these little souls... then I think motherhood somehow becomes easier. You're not always thinking, "Well, I need to take care of the baby so I can do..." because you're used to the fact that your kids will be there at your side (or nearby) all day long, every day for a VERY long time. 

Of course, not everything is easier with four than with one. Such as, grocery shopping--or buckling and unbuckling car seats! But while I feel like with multiple children, there is more noise, more crying, more arguments... there is also more laughter and snuggles and fun times. 

I can say without a doubt that I enjoy being a mom more than I ever have before. But what would I say to the new mom, perhaps who is feeling the way I did when Rachel and Jemima were little? 

I wish I could give you a hug, and say that everything will be okay! Don't be afraid to make mistakes or to ask for help! If you feel like there's so much you need to learn, or you're feeling inadequate, just know... this is normal. I am sure every mom has gone through this. You have many wonderful years ahead of you in which to learn and grow.

Enjoy your family time this weekend!

Nine "Cleanliness" Habits we are Teaching our Children

I'm going to let you in a little secret: I don't actually love cleaning.

If I could spend an hour doing whatever I wanted to, cleaning wouldn't make the list. 

But here's the thing--I live in a house with four natural mess-makers, otherwise known as children. It can be a full-time job just cleaning up after my kids!

When little ones are still toddling around, drooling and wiping banana-hands on your glass, there's not much for a mom to do besides follow them around with a Windex bottle.

But I've discovered that as children start getting older, they are capable of more than making messes. In fact, they can help keeping your house clean!


And I don't just mean teaching them how to scrub the toilet (though that is, of course, a brilliant idea.) 

Keeping a house clean is all about habits--those little things we either do or don't do, every day, all day long, which determines if our house will be neat and clean or a chaotic disaster.

I've found some specific habits that have been extremely helpful to keeping my housework minimized, so that once the kids go to bed, I don't have to spend the next couple hours cleaning!


Nine "Cleanliness" Habits we are Teaching our Children:

• Take off their shoes at the door. We generally have a no-shoes-in-the-house policy (unless they're "inside" shoes). You'd be surprised how much less dirt is tracked in onto the floors and carpets. I still have to sweep and vacuum, but this policy has gone a long way in keeping especially our carpeting and rugs nice. As a follow-up to taking their shoes off, we also teach them to...
• Put their shoes away. If their shoes are very dirty, I'll wash them or hit them together outside to shake off excess dirt. But if they seem relatively clean, they need to immediately put them away in their shoe box. (Even Matthias, who is 2, can easily do something like this.) This keeps the foyer from getting cluttered with shoes!
• Make their bed before leaving their room in the morning. If you want your kids' rooms to instantly look more presentable, straightening their sheets and pillows is a huge step in the right direction! The girls still need help making their bed, but we're working on this. It's a great goal!
• Clear their dishes after eating, and stack them into the dishwasher. This only takes each child a few seconds, and it helps keep the table and the kitchen counters clean! 
• Wash hands [and face] after every meal. Of all these habits, the girls have this one "down" the most, probably because they love running water so much. I still help Matthias with his face and hands.
• Keep all food items in either the kitchen or dining room. The only exception to this rule is popcorn while watching movies (in our family room), but no other food is allowed outside the dining room area. Remember, all these habits are about lessening the amount of general cleaning that the parents need to do. Food crumbs are not only disgusting, but they invite ants in your lovely home. No, thank you. 
• Put their dirty clothes in the laundry. As opposed to, of course, on the floor. Floors are meant for walking on, not throwing your dirty laundry!
• Clean up their toys when they're finished playing. While the kids are young, their biggest messes will often consist of toys, but as they grow older, there will always be things that need cleaned up or organized. I figure if they learn to "clean up" now, it'll be so much easier to adjust to other, bigger "messes" when they're older!

And lastly (and one of my favorites)...

• If they're finished with something that they want to keep, they must find a place for it. If they're finished with something they don't want to keep (a used band-aid, perhaps?), they need to throw it away. 

Probably because I'm so familiar with the trash can, my kids love throwing things away, too. I have to be very specific when I hand something to them, so that they know to put in the "laundry" or the "sink" or their "drawer," and not in the trash. 

Why do these habits even matter? Because they all add up to a naturally tidier home. Of course you'll still have to clean, but it shouldn't be nearly as overwhelming... even if you have kids. 

As a great alternative to YOU cleaning your house, why not choose professional and qualified cleaners to clean your house FOR you? If you live in Melbourne, I'm happy to recommend Maid to Clean, an environmentally friendly, simple to use home cleaning service. Offering a 100% price back guarantee, plus a $20 discount for new customers, Maid to Clean is the home cleaning service you've been looking for!